Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
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I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
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Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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