Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
