he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
