Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
