I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
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