That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
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