please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
