When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
