If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
