i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
