i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
