she takes plan B like it's going out of style
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
