what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
