That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
He better not be in your backpack
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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