I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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