I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
