So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
