she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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