friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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