after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
So squirting runs in the family.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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