So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
