i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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