She is in my trunk
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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