sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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