And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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