My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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