Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
