she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
