you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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