A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
