he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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