just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
