Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
