I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
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this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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