I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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