is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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