shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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