i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
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