really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
