Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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