he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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