I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
