if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
