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She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I can't put those talents on a resume
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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