Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
