Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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