I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
God I need to hump something, right now.
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