I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
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