hell yes lets make some ravioli
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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