I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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