That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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