Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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