Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
