Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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