ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
splinters make it hard to masturbate
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
