It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
