I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
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