piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
