I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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