rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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