i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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