So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
