guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
We need to rekindle our bromance
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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