I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
