Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
