You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
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