Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Randomize
