Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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