Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
