your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
