Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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