Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
