2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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