Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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