I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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