This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
