nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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